Perspective

Earth And Moon From Mercury, MESSENGER, acquired May 6, 2010  Credit: NASA/JHU APL/CIW

I've had a stressful couple of days.  I've had a couple consecutive late nights and (probably due to lack of sleep) started feeling pretty ill Friday night.  Bills are coming in daily -- the collection calls seem to be coming in hourly -- and I still have no money with which to pay them.  And now I've been told by someone I care a great deal about that my friendship is "just stress that [I'd] rather avoid"...Ouch.  Admittedly, I spent yesterday either on the couch or my bed watching TV, replaying every aspect of our relationship, and feeling sorry for myself.  I know, not very productive.

Then, this morning I saw this photograph posted by Earth on Google+ and it sort of comforted me.  Not sure why this image in particular did the job -- maybe it was just the timing and the fact that I hadn't seen it before.  I knew already that my problems, overwhelming as they may seem on a daily basis, aren't even a blip on the radar, but something about seeing the proof of it is nice.

And yes, I have looked at job listings on Craigslist and I plan to apply and distribute resumes tomorrow.

Thinking Dragons

Chinese New Year 2012, Year of the Dragon

Happy Chinese New Year.  Yes, I may be a couple days late but according to ChinaFlowers.net the festival lasts for 15 days.  So there.  Anyway, happy Year of the Dragon to everyone.


I've been feeling a little off the past couple days...Not actually sick, per se, but tired and for no real reason.  Maybe it's the weather or maybe it's a tiny touch of my sister's cold from last weekend.  Either way, I've been feeling more like hibernating than doing just about anything else.


When I'm tired I tend to start living in my head -- more than usual.  I've thought about how to find a second job so that I can pay the bills that keep coming even when the paychecks don't.  I've been thinking a lot about getting more information about starting school again and doing the paperwork for my Associate of Science Degree, which is the only thing standing in my way -- I have all of the credits.


And I've thought about designing again.  Still don't have ideas solid enough that, when I sit down with pencil and paper I know how to begin, but it seems like I'm always thinking about it.  When I drive, I look around me at buildings, landscapes, and just the general layout of cities and I can't help but want to improve upon it.  Maybe it's my obsessive-compulsive tendencies to want to tweak and perfect everything.  Maybe it's just what I'm supposed to do with my life.


Still, I can't afford the move to Boston and the architecture school I really want to attend so I need to start smaller.  I'm planning to look more closely at programs through the University of Northern Colorado and hopefully get back on track.  And, since I do love my job as a tutor, I think the next logical step along that road is teaching.  Math teachers seem to always be in demand so I'm confident that I could get a job, despite the dreary job market and slashed educational budgets everywhere.  Still, if nothing else, it would allow me to charge more for tutoring and would help me get through graduate school at Boston Architectural College, if I ever get there and am accepted.


How pathetic am I that I'm tired and ready for bed before 8 p.m. on a Wednesday night?  The answer is "very."  But oh well, I am what I am.  Goodnight!

Hello, Germany!

Germany Travel Guide - with Wired Destinations

I've been doing a lot of housekeeping and tweaking on my blog, as one is wont to do at the beginning of a new venture, and while doing so have been checking the viewership statistics.  While I'm sure many of the hits are me (despite telling Blogger not to count my visits) there is one location that I am quite positive is not me.  I am not the one visiting from Germany.  But, to whoever is coming to see what's going on in Liberty Corner all the way from Germany I say, "Guten tag," and "dankeshon!"


I know one person who lives in Germany, a friend I met in 7th grade who was born there and moved back for graduate school.  I know the odds of my German visitor being Pinky are not great but just in case -- are you thinking what I'm thinking?  If you're not Pinky, please feel free to ignore that question.


I regret that I know little about Germany, really.  I know, of course, of it's involvement in both World Wars and the Berlin Wall.  I also know, vaguely, that it is the land that has given the world incredible minds, music, architecture, cars, and (of course) Bavarian chocolate.  I also know that many of the truly breathtaking castles of the world are in Germany.  I could rattle off a few names or specific events, but that would mean little and could just as easily have come from Wikipedia.  But now your visit has whet my curiosity and I will see what else I can add to this pathetically short list of German culture.


I hope you enjoy your visit and please come back regularly!

I had a dream...

Image Credit & Copyright: Claudio Santana

A couple nights ago I had a dream that has sort of haunted me.  I don't often remember my dreams, but this one I can't seem to forget.  In my dream I was with a group escaping a sudden eruption of a previously unknown volcano just outside Loveland, a bit south of where I live.  It wasn't a graphic explosion, but I remember wondering if people were alright and where everyone I cared about was.  I was escaping with a sort of random group of people I didn't know and my friend Stacie, though I don't remember any interaction -- I just remember seeing her red car behind me as we fled.  I remember seeing beautiful vistas from the mountain we were driving/climbing up to get away from everything, across a nonexistent valley from the volcano with Loveland at the bottom, and taking pictures and trying to post them to Facebook.  Yeah, no idea what that's supposed to mean...So I looked it up.

I've found a couple interpretations; here's the first:

Volcano

To see a volcano in your dream indicates that you are unable to control your emotions, particularly if the volcano is erupting. You are ready to burst. The outcome may be damaging and hurtful, especially to those around you.

But I think I like this one better:

Divine Power

Volcanoes are often associated with gods and goddesses. In fact, the very name "volcano" comes from the Roman god Vulcan, a smith-worker who perfected his craft via the fire from the bowels of the earth, the place he called home. Even today, volcanoes are associated with the power of divinity. Pele, the Hawaiian goddess of fire, volcanoes and lightning, is a prime example of the association between divine power and volcanoes. 

Dreams of volcanoes can, in fact, symbolize the divine, or an encounter with an awesome force. It can indicate a profound change that is taking place within the psyche, a radical shift in awareness, or an outpouring or eruption of the contents of the unconscious. 

Encounters with the divine can be awesome, and shifts in the psyche can result in powerful, positive life changes. However, exercise caution when doing spiritual work or when attempting to make contact with the divine. Volcanoes are awesome displays and miraculous to witness when erupting--but one can only take in the beauty and fully comprehend the miracle from a distance. Be an active avenue in which the Divine can flow, but don't expect to swim in lava and emerge unscathed.

Now, I'm not convinced that either of these explain my dream.  It very well could have been something completely random.  Still, it's kind of fun to think about the possibilities of seeing something truly profound and prophetic while we sleep.

New!

PostSecret

New year, new blog, new perspective...new me?  Maybe.

So now I'm 30 years old...now what?  I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live on my own with my very part-time job as a tutor, which I love.  I am still overweight and out of shape even after losing 15-20 lbs. since this time last year.  I have a lot of stuff (junk) that I do not need or particularly want, but have or had a peculiar urge to acquire or keep for that one "what if" scenario in which it would be helpful.

This year is going to be bringing some changes for me because I can't stand the thought of things staying the same.  I am going to get healthy; I am going to get financially stable; I am going to get organized and pare down my possessions to only those I need or love.  And along the way, I will get back on the path to my degree and, simply by virtue of accomplishing all of this, become a stronger, braver, more capable and confident, complete person.

So maybe I am still just the same old me, after all.